Nothing says school bus fun like mandatory chain-up day

A lot of people don’t know that a bus driver does more than just drive a school bus. We’ve got to clean it inside and out. We’ve got to put fuel in it. We’ve got a top off the oil and other fluids. We’ve got to make sure the automatic sanders are filled in the wintertime.

But the real test that separates the men from the preverbal boys (and girls) is mandatory chain-up snow days.

Now, first of all, I think this is bullshit. Because any driver worth their salt (ha ha) knows their route. They know the areas that are tricky in the wintertime. They know their bus and its winter capabilities (and more importantly, limits).

At the end of the day, a driver knows (or should) their own winter driving skills and comfort zone when the white stuff flies.

Enough on the soap box. But …. a top-down chain mandate does provide me an opportunity to talk you through putting tire chains on the rear of a 29,000-pound vehicle. Fun!

I’m currently in a sub bus because mine has been in the shop for almost 6 weeks now. I guess at 194,000 miles, it needed a lot more love beyond preventative maintenance and fresh oil. They put a new engine in the Beast just before covid hit.

What I’m saying is I don’t have my normal winter kit which I store on the bus during the chilly months. This post will be using some items I just grabbed out of the garage. Sometimes you’ve got to work with what you have.

What you basically need are some good work gloves, a kneeling pad, a nice block of wood, some chains of course, and those big black rubber bands with a special tool to put them on. They should all fit in the storage box on the side of the bus.

Now some people don’t use a block of wood and just drive over the chains. I have always had problems getting the slack needed to connect the couplers.

It is MUCH easier with wood (especially in the morning – haha). Climb under the bus to the inside dual, and shove that block in there as tight as you can.

Then jump back in the driver seat and ever so carefully back the bus up and balance on the wood. With your outer tire hanging up in the air, you are ready for chains.

The chains are kind of a tangled spaghetti metal mess themselves. They need to be aligned correctly on the tire to get them a fit. And if you have a new set of tires and a new set of chains, they will never fit.

Of course, the sub bus I’m driving has 216,000 miles on it. Everything fits all loosey-goosey. Or to quote Goldilocks, they fit juuuuuuuust right.

The chains have a single clasp on the back side, and two on the front side. It’s important to do the back first. And you will need every inch of slack can get.

Sometimes that takes a lot of Pulling and Yanking (which was the name of my high school band). And you want to connect it at the 12 o’clock position. Otherwise, you’ll be fighting it forever until you just give up. Like your first wife.

Now to the front. The two clasps will be at twelve o’clock and six. The top one may be quite a struggle. There will be a lot of twisting and shouting going on. But once you get it, the one at the bottom is a piece of cake.

Now the fun part. The big rubber band tensioners. We always put on two of them. Why? Simple. Because we use these things until they literally break. And the first time you put them on for the season, you will always have at least one break.

It’s also good to have a few spares, too. There’s nothing more horrifying than the metal-on-metal sound of a chain coming loose and flailing all the paint off the side of the bus.

Once the chains are connected and tight with the rubber tensioning bands, roll the bus off the block of wood and do the other side.

In my bus kit, I made a set of two special blocks so I can get both tires up in the air at the same time. This makes the process go faster.

How fast is fast, you might be wondering? The first time it took me 45 minutes for ONE side. The process I detailed above ran right at 20 minutes for both. If I had my kit with two blocks, pending on if I’m standing in the middle of a snowstorm, about 10-15 minutes for an experienced pro.

To be honest, if things were that bad and I really needed chains on for my particular route, school would be canceled.

Now this particular mandatory chain day was also a two-hour delayed start day because of the timing of the snowfall. Which means I had lots of time to put these bad boys on.

And as a bonus, I got to use that extra time in the morning to put chains on my snowblower and clear off the driveway and sidewalk. So yeah. I’m pretty much done with chains for a while.

It would really be nice to be retired like Nancy is. Just sip some morning coffee when the snow is falling, and get a little shiver when looking out the window. Maybe someday. Most likely never.

A little wet and tired, but Bus Driver Confidential definitely out!