How I navigate the Twin Circles of Death a dozen times a day (and live to tell the tale).

I had another close call at the lower of the Twin Circles of Death today.  Started me thinking it might be something worth talking about.

The main transportation shop and storage lot for all the buses in the school district is just above the freeway I-90. Its access is off Barker Road. I know this means absolutely nothing to you but please bear with me.

The traffic flow was horrible and constantly backed up. The stop lights north and south of the freeway that control the on-off ramps are inadequate for the growth in traffic over the last decade plus.

So about a year-and-a-half ago with many millions of dollars, the DOT went ahead and put in two traffic circles. Personally, I love them. But these circles are not the average two-street intersection with a landscaped planter in the middle.  Barker runs north/south and bisects them, but the other ‘exits’ are on/off ramps to the freeway. 

One exit also happens to be the dead-end road that houses the ‘bus barn’.  Which is why I must thread this needle so many times a day. And apparently, there’s a learning curve for some people who can’t read all the signs.  People tend to come into these circles pretty hot from just exiting the 70 mph freeway.  Most think they are doing a gravitation sling around the moon and don’t ease off the pedal coming into the 20 mph circles.

So that means when your yielding to enter you must have a pretty good idea of how fast the other cars are going and how quickly your car accelerates. Or in most people’s situation, how quickly you can stop. I have found most people do not know either of those things about their cars.

This traffic revision was a summertime build. So when school started in September they were maybe a week old. Yeah, it was the Wild West meets Mad Max Fury Road. I had to keep my foot on the brake pedal every time I entered a circle because I never knew what was going to happen.

Now being on a school bus I have a couple of advantages and some very distinct disadvantages when it comes to traffic circle navigation.

The best thing is the fact I’m sitting 8 ft in the air with a windshield the size of a Volkswagen van. I call it the catbird seat. I can see everything a mile away and can normally pick out which car is going to create a train wreck.

To balance that out, I’m in a 29000 lb. vehicle that takes a lot of distance to stop. I’m also pushing 40 ft of length.  So once I start in the traffic circle it takes a while to get all the way in.  The same goes for getting out.

I never have students on the bus when I pass thru the Twin Circles of Death.  So I crank the classic rock station as loud as the six crappy little PA speakers can take.  After all, they were only meant to allow you to scream and intimidate impressionable students in a tinny monotone. In short, I make sure I have the soundtrack for my death. But at least if go down, I’ll be smiling and signing my favorite songs in the rolling Yellow Submarine.

Over the last year when they were new,  I would have two or three brushes with death a week.  Now maybe once every couple of months.  But let me share.

My first and favorite near accident was while in the southern Circle working towards my exit. I spied an elderly lady in a 1980’s K-car. She was all stopped and sitting there patiently. All is good in the hood. Then she suddenly pulled out. I missed her by a foot and a half. The small fact all school buses since 1998 have mandatory anti-lock brakes. I stopped so hard that I actually locked those bad boys up. That skid mark was there for 3 months.

As I’m cussing her out and listening to all my stuff roll on the floor that came loose from my personal bag in the back of my seat, I watch her go through the next Circle. Holy crap. She came to a full stop at the yield sign and then entered the circle regardless of any traffic in it. She kind of got the whole thing reversed. I gave her a silent prayer and hoped her grandkids wouldn’t cry too much at the funeral.

There was another gal in a little Volkswagen subcompact. I was in the loop and she had plenty of time but she stopped anyway. So just as I was approaching the entry point oh, she suddenly thought she could make it and shot out in front of me. My headlights lit up her face like the biggest Harvest Moon and I’d never seen eyes that wide. Since I had to lock up the brakes again I made sure that she got a good dose of my horn as well. I’m going to guess you had to go home and change her pants.  That was a close one.

One classic that sticks in my mind is a bearded guy/kid with all the windows down in a 4-door subcompact with two miss-colored doors. People with nothing to lose are the ones that scare me the most. Sometimes you get these 20-30 car strings that are back to back with no break and you just have to wait. Got to be patient for a sizable opening in the traffic. This guy’s circle entrance was on a little bit of an incline. And he was getting antsy. His car kept rocking as he would get set to gun it, then back off because the gap was too small. That is when it’s nice to be sitting so high above the battlefield. Like Caesar at the games in the Colosseum. Except I don’t get to vote people to death.

So I’m getting set to pass his entrance and for some unknown reason, he figured that after so many false starts a 15-ton school bus was the best vehicle to pull out in front of. Didn’t lock up the tires, but it was a full HARD controlled stop to keep from hitting this jerk. I gave him a little love with the old bus horn, figuring he must be color-blind.

Then came the best part. I was so glad my driver’s window was open. I see this hand come out the open window and hear “JUST DEAL WITH IT, YOU F*****.” I smiled. Why? Because I could tell he was TRYING to flip me off, but couldn’t quite get it done. In his hand was a fast food hamburger that he must have been eating throughout this entire ordeal. He almost lifted the middle finger too far and lost it on the pavement. I wish he had pulled it off. It would have been an automotive multitasking milestone.

But there are some nice people out there as well.  Too nice.  I have no problem yielding to active traffic in the circle.  That is how it works.  And when you hit the light wrong it is a steady stream.  Oh well.  But I had to love the elderly gentlemen who must have just felt sorry for a school bus waiting for a break. 

So he did what you should NEVER do.  Came to a complete stop and tried to wave me in.  The cars in the back of him (going way too fast) almost piled up.  While I politely declined, he started getting a little angry that I would not accept his good deed.  He’d wave me in, I’d wave him on.  Over and over.  Now the entire circle is backed up and people start honking.  He finally spins his tires, give me the finger, and drove on.  I guess not quite a saint after all.  I thought everyone knew that no good deed goes unpunished.

For a while all of these close calls had me stressed about going into the Twin Circles of Death. I always kept the brake pedal covered and always expected a car to pull out in front of me. But then I started to think to myself, why am I afraid? That’s like a Great Dane being afraid of a chihuahua.

I am clearly the bigger dog here. And as such, I should be turning this into a teaching moment.  Kind of like winning the hearts and minds through traffic etiquette education. In any dog fight in the Twin Circles, I’m going to normally win.  Just as long as I stay away from garbage trucks and semis. I really respect those guys. Well, at least the semi-truck drivers.

So the methodology I have adopted now uses keen observation, anticipation, and patience.  Keep speed down and cover the brake pedal, then bring my 40 ft of yellow fun inside the circle. But once inside, I own that circle. You don’t want to be the person on the news that ran into a bus. Kind of hard to say it just came out of nowhere and you didn’t see it.

I always make eye contact with the driver of a yielded vehicle. And when I get the sense they might bolt in front of me when I can’t stop, I wave my forefinger and clearly mouth to them “No, No, No.”

The same thing I learned from working with so many kids. Make a firm stand and they will back down and take it as a life lesson. I’ve only gotten FULLY flipped off a couple of times. But I have never been in an accident. Welcome to my Zen and the Twin Circles of Death.