Reading between the doublelines of an illegal left turn.

Ok, I drive a lot. You should understand that by now. Right at 246 miles a day. Which means I have lots of chances to see lots of different things, including near misses with other vehicles on the road. My favorite so far is the motorhome which made a left-hand turn forcing me to stop hard to mitigate a collision. I’m pretty good with details. Just ask anyone I’ve told a story to. Or ask Nancy about anything that happened 20 years ago that she has been trying to forget.

This was an older couple in a big older motorhome with a windshield the size of a two-car garage door. A giant magnifying glass that shows you everything inside, including the Afghan on the back of the sofa near the wooden console TV. It was clear the wife gave directions, and the husband used a combination of poor listening skills and bad judgement to make the turn in front of me. It was like watching the Titanic try and miss the iceberg.

That thing leaned so hard they must have had cans of baked beans rolling on the floor for many miles down the road. And that is when it caught my eye. As I watched the terror on the couple’s face from possible rollover or collision, something was on the dashboard. There was very clearly three different hats stored on the dash: A hard hat, a cowboy hat, and a dark fedora.

They slid across the entire dash and piled up at one end. Hmmmm. So, I continued with my drive, but my thoughts kept going back to those hats. I can’t recall the motorhome, the people, anything but those damn hats. What could they mean? Where they his or hers? Did they share? Role playing?

Finally I figured it out. They were National Park Serial Killers. Going from national park to national park and taking hats as trophies from their victims. The goal is to fill up the dash before the end of summer (which also keeps them from sliding around). Victims to date must include two members from a Village People cover band, and the guy who played Guido the Killer Pimp from Risky Business.

Whew. Solved. That would have driven me crazy. Now go out and enjoy your day.