Signs your roommate is a retired serial killer.

Finally a rainy day. Time to take a break from hiking. But after I get that coveted ten hours of sleep, then what? Oh yeah, my roommate.

When I think retired serial killers, I think of Gary Ridgway from my home state of WA. As the famed Green River Killer, he was busy for many years picking up bodies and putting them down. Then he suddenly stopped. DNA tracing was coming in big and he could see the handwriting on the wall. Now everyone at his place of work (PACCAR – he painted semi-trucks) called him Green River Gary. I guess it was just that obvious. But it took the police another 20 plus years to connect all the dots.

So when it comes to retired killers, sleeper cells, separatists, survivalists, witness protection, Unabomber, etc. etc., I just kind of lump them into one collective group. So I’m not saying my roommate falls into this category or any of the above. But allow me to just point out a couple of observations.·

• He has a non-descript four door Honda which is constantly under a car cover except when it’s…. gone. Thick, quilted kind of cover, very high quality. Completely hides car style lines, tires, wheels, license plate, and color. The only car covered in the RV park.

• Does NOT get mail thru the Xanterra deliver system. Has his own PO box set up in Columbia Falls, which he checks twice a week (dead drops?).

• Constantly getting ‘hiking gear’ boxes. Several from Amazon, all labels removed and appear unopened. Doesn’t keep food in common kitchen, but the top bed of his bunk (Contamination? Quick evacuation? Chain of evidence? Shielding?)

• Uses five-gallon tubs, bags of grains, keeps bananas and cantaloupes in dresser drawer (Preparing for log sea voyage? Kon Tiki reenactment?)

• Sleeps on a bedroll on the floor, rolls it up every day. (Conditioning for sleeper cell activation? Tunnel experience from Vietnam? Hiding DNA samples?)

• Several duffle bags on floor not moved/open since I’ve been here (Bug out kit? Kill bag? Steel grapple hook and rope?)

• Works lots of different seasonal jobs in different states for different employers (untraceable). Since being here he has worked as a Red Bus Driver, Delivery Driver (commercial trucks), Laundry Services, Warehouse Inventory (man of 1,000 faces).

• Claims to be from Idaho (biggest flag of all). But admits to stays in CO and CA. Hmmmmmm.

• Keeps oatmeal in large Costco container marked Cashews. (Passports? Fake ID’s? DVD of ‘Die Hard’?).

• Put a screen room outside our cabin, completely covered with tarps so can’t see in, heavy duty extension cord, it hums. (Listening Post? EMP? Signal scrambler?)

My guess is his kill kit either contains a favorite but obsolete duct tape, with a thread count that can be traced to a former Soviet bloc country and linked to his local ACE hardware store. Or maybe his preferred zip-tie cuffs are Israeli military police surplus, with easy to trace lot numbers.

Either way, he’s gone into retirement. I’m pretty sure of it. And a really nice guy once you have some conversations. Have not seen any handcuffs or a clown suit anywhere. Of course if I suddenly vanish shortly after publishing this post, check the trunk of the Honda first. However it pans out, I know that I or a member of my estate will be interviewed about him someday. And excluded from the jury pool.